an ugly fly for an ugly fish

if ever there was a friggin’ ugly and stupid looking fish, this is it.
uglylipsgrayling

grayling  (Thymallus thymallus):  their flaccid, distorted, insecure ‘Angelina‘ lips and biology class dead frog expressions are the disgrace of the animal world.
often referred to as “The Lady of the Streams” by what must be myopic, sexually repressed, football or hockey-on-tv-watching anglers, we’ll note that this expression is a horrible insult to women of all kinds.  i’d gladly sucker-punch the ******** who came up with the term and greatly incourage you to do the same next time you hear those despicable words.

these things often live in pods where there can be hundreds of them scrounging around meaninglessly right around your feet. once found, the hardest challenge for the angler is to avoid stepping on them while wading. once hooked, they fight like they look: like a flip-flopping one-legged sheep with butt cancer and to make things worse…  just like vampires, a lot of these creepy things don’t even show up on film leaving the impression that the whole thing was just a bad dream  !

no grayling

anyhow, a lot of us live in areas where trout fishing is closed during their reproductive season and we’re left to resort to  this soggy species if we want to fish in rivers so, as pitiful as these creatures may be they still need to eat and to trick them we’ll often need to resort to ‘flie’s that match their looks, personalities and lack of  taste.
along the same lines as a Happy-Meal placed in front of a pimply kid, this strange, unnatural and otherwise all-around offensive ‘discodildo on a hook’ wakes up these stupid fish’s appetites and gets them to open their disgusting mouths long enough to set the hook.
this fly-thing is very heavy and it’s not really safe to cast. it’s lobbed Euro-Nymphing style through fast and deep pools and holes and we dredge the bottom where these horrid fish hide in shame waiting for something ugly to be swept downstream into their gross mouths.
the line/leader  is tight and takes are usually lacking in subtlety so all we have to do is lift the rod and slide the slimy thing to the net, slip out the ‘fly’ and let it go back where it belongs. job done, next.

disco-dildo (a grayling fly)

made with-
no love whatsoever but a deep sense of desperation mingled with an overwhelming urge to offend any dry-fly purist i might meet on the water.

hook– Partridge “pre-leaded for ugly fish, grub style” #12.
flatten out the round body with pliers so it doesn’t look like a jumbo hotdog when finished.
be sure to sharpen the points as they’re pre-dulled at the factory.
under thread – anything white and cheap, it’s just to make a nice smooth discodildo shape that will be covered by:
abdomen‘ –  Glitter Thread chose the color to match your own tastes, these fish are too dumb to see the difference
head–  Demmon Hot Spot Thread in orange. they’re attracted to orange and considering there’s no orange food available to them naturally, this makes perfect sense.

i’m always fond of saying that “any fish is a good fish”, except for grayling…

13 thoughts on “an ugly fly for an ugly fish

  1. “made with-

    no love whatsoever but a deep sense of desperation mingled with an overwhelming urge to offend any dry-fly purist i might meet on the water.”

    Very entertaining!

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  2. Marc, i really hope you are joking! Leaving alone all that poors rainbow t. you post regularly (clearly hatchery fishes, with dumb eyes and various scares…)
    remember that ALL graylings are wild fishes, grown in their environment.
    And also if you are GREAT in nimph fishing they are not so easy to fool.
    Last but not least, fishing them with dries you need pinpoint accuracy to place your imitation and be able to perform long drifts without drag. I suspect many graylings can fool fishermen,as well or better than trout! BTW: try to fool
    a decent, wild brown t. sometimes!
    Tight lines…. Aldo

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    • hi Aldo,
      rest assured, apart from finding them to be extremely ugly and stupid looking i’m only half joking. 😆
      if you have the time, google ‘grayling stocking’ and you’ll see that your notions of them being exclusively wild and indigenous are just folklore. the kind of folklore that is based on ignorance. i’ve personally worked on two re-implanting projects of stocked grayling, one in France and one in Sweden.
      another funny one is the comment about fish eyes. if you had ever taken the time to carefully look at or better yet, take an underwater close-up photo of trout or grayling eyes (whatever their species or wild or stocked) you would have noticed that they bulge out similar to frog eyes when underwater.
      as for technique, the same thing applies to any species at one point or another, grayling are no different. (except that they’re so butt-ugly and they smell bad)
      thanks for stopping by, it made me realize that in a year and a half of the Cobra’s existence, nobody had yet left such a basically dumb and pretentious comment. congratulations for being the first !
      marc

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  3. You are a Bad boy Marc ! Go stand in the corner next to all your unused cane and glass fibre rods and dont come out again until trout season starts. Cant stop. There is hockey just starting on ESPN
    X

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  4. this is the best stuff written about this smelly fush since Frank Sawyer! fush with scales, enough said! As for grayling stocking – they stock it more often than we know! Between stocked grayling and stocked rainbow i will fish for the ‘bow! Even a rainbrown is better that this smelly stuff!:)

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    • i thought you’d like this mate ! :mrgreen:
      in a great effort to avoid further insult to our sticky Halfordian friends i did indeed avoid bringing up the foul creature’s horrid stench as i knew you would…. 😆
      i’m with you all the way with the rainbows. once established in a water system they’re a much more sporty, unpredictable and harder fighting fish than both browns or those greythings !
      marc

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  5. “…i did indeed avoid bringing up the foul creature’s horrid stench as i knew you would…”

    im just an ordinary angler with a fly rod, not a diplomat ! 🙂

    Like

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