Interview with a Fat Fish

Obese Salmon Unable To Swim Upstream To Spawn

“I used to be able to swim hundreds of miles to my natal stream,” the male salmon said as he recovered in a brackish estuary after swimming several feet against the current and growing fatigued. “But now I’m so fat I can’t even leap out of the water to overcome a natural obstacle. And when I try, my fins are super sore for a couple days.”

“Could you give me a second? I need to rest until this stitch in my side goes away,” the overweight anadromous fish added.

“I wish some female would just come down here and let me externally fertilize her eggs so I wouldn’t have to swim all the way up to the goddamn headwaters,” the salmon said. “Not that any female would let me deposit sperm on her roe anyway.”

Salmon are not the only animals in the riparian ecosystem afflicted with obesity. One local grizzly bear, who subsists on salmon during the annual run, told reporters he is now too overweight to catch the fish as they migrate upstream.

“These little suckers are fast,” said the 1,300-pound male grizzly, resting on his haunches and breathing heavily. “I’m just going to wait by the water’s edge and hope they leap by my face.”

click the pic to see more of what this Fat Git has to say. enjoy !

via The Onion